Why Me?

We all have things that we struggle with. It could be any one of many things - commitment, faithfulness, obedience, jealousy, pride.

I am untrusting.

Through a series of harsh/painful events in my life, I have come to find it extremely difficult to trust people. This isn't the best way to live or have relationships. It causes constant stress and worry.  I try to extend what little bit I do have in me to others, but if they do one thing that causes even the slightest of uneasiness in me, I head for the hills. If I think I am going to get hurt, I will basically shut down, back out, and just run. I don't have any more need for hurt or anxiety. I just quit.

This inability to trust has carried over in to my relationship with God. Trust with God is different though. I know God isn't going to lie to me or cheat on me, that's obvious. Trust with and in God is about care and love. It's about Him being there for and with me always. It's about knowing that the situations He's put me in are, in the end, always going to be what's best for His Kingdom, His Glory, or His Plan. I have a hard time with that.

This inability to trust in Him and His Plan has pulled me away from Him so many times. There was a particular time in my life where it seemed like I was being hit from every direction with pain. When I thought I had gotten over one thing, something else would happen, then something else. It was just neverending. I kept thinking to myself, "Why me? Why on earth would You allow me to be going through this? Surely if there was a God, He wouldn't allow one of His so called children to be suffering like I am." After a while, I totally stopped believing. I had no need for it anymore. God was supposed to love me and make sure I was always happy.

Scripturally, this isn't the case. No where does the Bible say that once you become a believer, your world and life will be perfect. It actually refers to our sufferings on several occasions and how they will help us.

Romans 5:3-5 ...we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Trials and tribulations are what help us develop into deeply devoted, faithful Christians. The trials and tribulations I have been through have wrecked my brain and my heart, but they were caused by humans. Imperfect humans. Our God is a perfect being, therefore His Will and His Plan by default are perfect. Who am I to question that? He will take care of me. He will provide for me. And when the going gets tough, stick it out. It will all be for the greater good and we will become better for it.

Matthew 6:26-27 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Psalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.